There are a lot of things in life that make you adjust and readjust your definition of family. My definition of family for the first 12 years of my life was Mom, Dad, Erin, and Caitlin. Then, along came Justin and our family grew. 3 years ago, the family grew even more with the arrival of Liam. This past summer, both Ramon and Joshua joined our family.
I've also now joined Ramon's family. Sometimes, though, I kind of feel like I've left my family in order to begin a new one. Ramon and I aren't two individuals anymore, we're one family with a little one on the way.
When I get out of class for Christmas break, I can't just hop on the soonest flight and spend 3 weeks at "home" with "my family." My awareness of this changing definition of family has become more acute as we approach the holidays. It took me a while, but I've adjusted to the fact that I have to work on Thanksgiving. I won't wake up Thanksgiving morning to mom in the kitchen already cooking away and dad looking through the basement for Christmas lights and hanging them. I've adjusted to the fact that Thanksgiving will be made by me, on the Sunday after, and I have to have a bowl of jalapenos between the turkey and the yams.
What's been the hardest, and it's a challenge I haven't ever faced, is the changing definition of Christmas and family. As Ramon and I look at our finances, how little or much that we make, and the financial requirements of the year ahead, (buying a reliable car, moving to a bigger place, paying for hospital bills and everything a new baby requires), flying both of us to the States at the busiest travel time of the year just isn't as easy as it was last year when it was only me.
It's hard for me to believe, and even harder for my raging pregnancy hormone infested self to come to terms with the fact that I may not be in Bellevue or have "my" family around me this December 25th. Nothing is decided definitively yet, but I know the challenge that awaits me. I need to be okay with whatever happens. If we get to go to WA, I can share my family traditions with Ramon. If we stay, he can show me his. Either way, we'll get to know eachother even better and start making family traditions of our own.
I have often considered this reality too as Juan Carlos and I have considered living in Mexico and think that would be the very hardest thing for me- beyond the language and the cultural differences and the cravings for peanut butter and milkshakes...not having "my" family around would be incredibly difficult- I can't imagine it, but I really appreciate your perspective and recognition about how family changes and how Ramon and Baby Alvarez are your new family and regardless of where you'll be, you'll be together with them. Since you're planning to be together forever, I guess there will be many Thanksgivings and Christmases to do things the "Mexican" way or the "American/US" way and I personally believe your lives and those of your children will be richer for it- there are certainly sacrifices but also beautiful gifts to a bicultural, bilingual and in your case, bi-national marriage, don't you think? Neat post! Hope all of you are doing well!
ReplyDeleteI definitely know how you feel. Stephen's whole family lives in Virginia and my whole family lives in Washington. Last year he wasn't able to afford the trip home, so he spent the holidays with my family. This year we are both flying to Virginia and it will be the first time I have not been home for Christmas. Luckily our parents have each agreed to pay for half of the flight as our Christmas presents. It will be my first trip back to Virginia in over 3 years, so I am definitely excited! I hope that even though you won't be with family, and some of the traditions are different, you can enjoy your newly created family - and your first Christmas together as husband and wife (and soon to be mommy and daddy!!).
ReplyDeleteTear, sniffle. Justin and I have decided we can't afford the trip to CA either. I miss you! I will be there in April...I wouldn't miss meeting my neice or nephew for the world! I have been realizing lately that you just have to do what's best for you and your family and not consider anyone outside of it. People are understanding!
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