If Strollers Could Talk

To start, my stroller would have an awesome accent. Something to drive all the babes wild.

Then, my stroller would get a little more serious and probably tell me the following things.

Dear Owner,

I was not made for what you are putting me through. I was happily shipped to Babies R Us USA where there are sidewalks and paved roads and ramps and crosswalks and all sorts of other amenities of this sort. If I had been informed upon my purchase that I would soon be exported, I most likely would have objected very loudly. I would most definitely have objected had I known that you were going to be my owner. Every night, I sit alone and cry, "Why me?!" I think you deserve to know why.

1. Your child, while extremely cute, (I might say that she is the cutest baby I have ever seen in my entire life, and strollers have been around for a while, that's saying something. But, I digress.) is not even seven months old yet and has already puked on me and peed on me more times than I can count. That, dear woman, is gross. I do not like to have any bodily fluids other than my own, which I have none, on me.

2. Focus, woman. Your child was barely 6 weeks old when you burned the living crapola out of one of my wheels. I understand that lights in the floor is supposed to be something modern and interesting. However, my wheels are plastic. Plastic melts. Even if the streets were paved in gold, my ride would now be just slightly wobbly because of your lack of general awareness of your surroundings. Next time when you smell something burning, check my wheels, it's probably me.

3. I am not as small as you think I am. I am a travel system. We are the SUV's of strollers. We take up entire trunk spaces just because we can. We have no qualms with taking the space of things like groceries. We are that important. Please, understand, come to terms, and begin respecting this fact. Stop trying to force me through spaces between buildings and telephone poles. Stop taking me to crowded market places. You can pretend you don't see the dirty looks when you push me into the ankles of those in front. But, the baby and I? We feel those scornful looks, and frankly, it hurts.

You are very lucky that your baby is so cute, because if she were one of those weird-looking alien babies that are out there, I would have rebelled against you a long time ago. I just ask you to open your eyes, ears, nose and work on your spacial awareness. If not for my sake, for the sake of the precious cargo I transport, I don't know how much more we can take.

Sincerely,

Your Stroller.

Wait, what?

Wait, what? This is an all too common phrase that is most often accompanied by a raised eyebrow and confused face and it can most likely be seen on me when trying to decipher my students' work. Once I figure out what the child is trying to say, the confused usually turns into a smiley laughing face.



Want some examples? I though you would.



We are dead for food.

Translation: We were dying of hunger.



It was a week very heaviest.

Translation: It was a very tiring week.



The convencion durate to one week.

Translation: The convention lasted one week.



The sending is the aple richen large that whit spon and spar centing cente.

1st Response: WTF? What is this?

2nd Response: (Just hit me in this moment 3 weeks after reading the work) AAhh, she has tried (big emphasis on the tried) to copy from the book to answer the question: What is the setting?

Translation: The setting is the castle kitchen, large pots with spoons are placed center stage.



Define Shellfish (not my student but definitely share-worthy)

Answer: Shellfish is when you only care about yourself.



Use Majesty in a sentence.

I say to the teacher Majesty because I want more recess.

Response: Nice try.



Use porridge in a sentence.

The people want porridge.

Response: Give the people what they want, I say. Their demands aren't outrageous.



Use peasant in a sentence.

This school have a peasant to do the school nice.

Response: Oh, is that what we're calling janitors and gardeners now?


By far, best sentence I have read in all of my five years of teaching.
Drum Roll, PLEASE!

Use dungeon in a sentence.

This person are bad they kill chickens and are in the dungeon.

Response: After I stopped laughing, read it again, laughed again and stopped again, I thought "Chicken Killer? Really? That's what you have to do to get sent to the dungeon?"

PS Yes, we read a story about a king, so, no, these vocabulary words aren't weird.

Cookies or Crackers?

I have an amazing oven.

It's amazing for many reasons none of which include its ability to cook food. I don't know how old it is, but let's just say that if we ball park it in the time frame of older than me, younger than dirt.

I will give it this, though. It is the first oven that I've had in Mexico with numbers. I'm talking real temperatures, people. My first oven went from temperature minus sign (-) to temperature plus sign (+). Your guess is as good as mine, or maybe better because I always guessed wrong with that baby. My second oven was way more high tech; it had a scale from 1-5. Again, your guess, probably better. This one has temps, in celsius, which, even after 5 years, still means very little to me.

The door doesn't close properly. Handy Fix-it Man Wally Hickey rigged up a nice latch system for me when he was here in April which took the oven's usability from zero to functioning. To use said latch, you must push all your weight against the oven door and then latch. Though, when the oven is on, this means that you will burn your leg and fingers because the door and latch are just about as hot as the inside of the oven.

Everything around the oven gets hot when its on. Note to self, plastic should not be close by. Learned that lesson the hard way.

Oh yeah, that part about how the oven has temperatures? Big, fat lie. The temperatures mean nothing. I set my oven to less than 350. It heated up to over 500.

The point is this: I now have 60+ chocolate chip crackers.

Anybody hungry?

Never seen that before.

Sometimes living in Mexico gets old.

Like on the days when you have to push a stroller on what can only be loosely defined as sidewalk, and more accurately can be described as blocks of concrete of varying heights, super steep driveways, with telephone poles in the middle that require you to take aforementioned stroller into traffic to go around aforementioned pole.

Mexico can get old when you realize that you've been cut off by the same bus three times in three blocks because it speeds up to get in front of you then pulls over and stops to let people off.

Somethings don't get old.

Like seeing a man walking down the street carrying three GIANT bags of cheese puffs. I'm talking bags that are almost the size of the man.

Now that, my friends, is funny.

Why I'm a teacher.

I bet by the title you think this is going to be a real deep and meaningful post about the joys of educating the future world leaders. Nope. Sorry. (Though, I know most of you are probably relieved since you don't want to read a serious blog post.)

Think back to the days of Barbie to that fateful day when you, and you know you all did, decided that barbie needed a haircut. Same idea.

I cut Ana Victoria's hair.

AV was growing a little Mexi-Mullet. Party in the back and on top with a nice little bald patch around the middle. If you know my dad, think opposite of Walter. So, since Ramon and I both cut our hair yesterday, we decided it was time for AV to join us. Little snip here, little snip there. Then I snipped some more. I'm no Gene Juarez, but if you like crookedy bangs, I'm your gal. Don't look close while the hair is wet. Just look at the overall style. (Most haircuts look better styled anyway. Whoever believes in wash and wear, just likes boring hair....ie... me...lots of dots...) Let's just say I'm not going to quit my day job yet.

Feeling cool.

I saw this today and all of a sudden felt real cool.

Who do I know in Latvia, Germany, Netherlands and China?

PS The height of people reading my blog was July. You've been slacking. I've been slacking. Let's fix that.

Pageviews by Countries United States 872 Mexico 129 Canada 8 China 5 Russia 5 Australia 3 Latvia 3 Germany 2 Netherlands 2 Peru 2

Adventures in Public Transportation

I've only really used public transportation in a few countries, but I am taking the liberty of generalizing that public transportation, along with its users, has some serious quirks that, if you catch the rider on a good day, can really be quite enjoyable. My, that was a long sentence.

If you didn't read my last post, shame on you, you may have missed the part about how I crashed. The car is still in the shop, not because the problem is that serious, but more because the car is really only Ramon and my priority. Not the insurance, not the shop, nobody. Sucks to be us? Yes, a little bit.

Any way, I've become a bus rider again. I thank my lucky little stars that this will be a relatively short lived period of my life, since I'll only be able to find humor in it for so long.

There is no such thing as a bus schedule. Three might pass at the same time, racing each other, of course, and then it can really honestly seriously be twenty minutes until the next one comes by.

Black lights are cool. They're especially cool if they make Jesus on the cross glow.

Speaking of Jesus on the cross, He is on every bus. Not in the spiritual kind of way where Jesus is always with us. No, he's there. Usually in giant crucifix or life-size window cling form. He is usually accompanied by Mary, Our Lady of Juquilita, and/or some pin-up model in a bikini.

There is no such thing as a full bus. Friday I got on one that was obviously overfilled when I got on. Think enough seats for 30, already had close to 50 when I got on. My silly little naive self thought, "Oh good, he probably won't stop much more, now." Wrong. Think sardines. Smelly, sweaty, unshowered, Friday afternoon sardines. I think I just threw up a little.

Here's my wondering. I'll chalk it up to life's big questions. Isn't it in the bus drivers best interest to get people safely and comfortably from one destination to the next? Isn't that good for business? Isn't it probably a good idea to stop the bus completely while people get on and off? Isn't it probably wise to pick up passengers, especially when your bus is empty?

Call me loca... Here's to hoping the car is ready soon.