Chores

Saturday and Sunday are Chores days around the Alvarez household.

I thought Saturday and Sunday were the weekend, but apparently, I was wrong.

Now, the more I do chores, the more I realize how terrible chores are. I've heard people say that chores are a way of loving your family. But, let's be honest, I would much rather love AV and Ramon over a box of white chocolate Oreo's. I think they'd feel the love way more, too, because I wouldn't be righteously annoyed.

Chores suck, plain and simple. Here's why.

They are never actually done. You spend all day, sometimes night, and sometimes even the next day if you live in a dryer-less world like I do. Sunday night you finish the laundry and have every sock put away, but inevitably you have to take off the clothes you're wearing. The empty white basket is now one step closer to full again. It just makes you want to scream sometimes.

Sweeping and mopping are also lame-o. Mexico is the dust capital of the world. So, once the floors have been swept and mopped you can already see those stupid butt-holey dust specks starting to settle back down in their place. I can hear their tiny dust voices whispering, "Nice try, Sssuuuccckkkaaa."

Now, let's talk about the kitchen. The kitchen is usually clean for about 10 hours a day. Pretty impressive, I'd say. Except for the part where 8 of those hours are when the entire house is sleeping and no one can enjoy it. The second you wake up, someone needs to make breakfast. That someone is 99.9% of the time, me. I don't have one of those magical dish hiding places that other people have been known to call dishwashers. The dish washer, again, is 98.4% (we'll give Ramon a little more credit on this one) of the time me. After washing all the dishes, without fail, you turn around to find one lone cup or spoon who defied the instruction to be washed and stored. Whatever, that jerk gets to sit all night alone in the sink and think about what he's done.

Don't get me started on the bathroom. I've decided it's going to be Ramon's chore. I hate cleaning the bathroom. The second you finish, you always ALWAYS have to go the bathroom. And if you live in a house like mine, you don't have any other viable or appropriate option other than to dirty up your nice clean bathroom. It's not so much the going that bugs me as much as it is the washing hands part because the nice clean shiny sink now has drip marks. Since I'm unwilling to give up the handwashing part of the bathroom experience, I just have to resign myself to the fact that the bathroom will never be perfectly clean.

Some parts of cleaning are, however, extremely satisfying. I love the feeling when you think, 'Oh yeah, that's what that coach looked like.' or 'That spot wasn't permanent? Sweet.' But, come on, that doesn't happen often enough to outweigh all of the negatives.

They say a woman's work is never done. I think that phrase should more appropriately be changed to read, "Chores suck, but you still have to do 'em."