An Ode to Bad Spelling

Let it be known that I used to be one of the world's worst spellers. So bad that in a 6th grade spelling bee, my teacher gave me the easiest word and I spelled it wrong. Mammal is not, in fact, spelled mammel. Damn you, schwa and your undeterminable "uh" sound.

Let it also be known that I also was in high rankings for one of the most gullible people on the planet. My mother had no problem convincing me that playing Scrabble on a Friday night was just about the bees' knees when it comes to a wild night. It was not until (too) much later that I found out that she was tricking me into learning to spell.

I am now a pretty darn good speller. In two languages at that. Which is why I probably love (a little too much) all of the spelling mistakes I see around me. People also just don't have the same relationship with spell check that I do, I guess.

Por ejemplo. There's a little store around the corner that sells all sorts of things like furniture, lamps, mirrors, etc. It's called Deyabu. Gosh, why do I feel like I've seen this word before? Oh yeah, I have seen this word before it was just spelled déjà vu when I saw it last.

Or how about this one for you hungry folks. This little place not only has Laounch-to-go where you can get some succulent barbecued quail or rabbit, but you can also get your car washed. That's normal. But, that's not all. If while you dine or your car is being washed, something is found to be failing, you can take it to the auto shop that also doubles as a cock fighting ring. And, as if car washing, quail dining, car fixing and cock fighting weren't enough, you can also get some new plants for your house at the nursery. Much more than laounch-to-go, I'd say.

Maybe your lunch and car wash turned into a wild night at the fights, once you've picked up a plant as a peace offering for your spouse, (which btw I just tried to spell with a c, bad speller in me won't completely die), you'll want to take her out for a drink. If she's a spelling enthusiast like yours truly, her first look at the menu will be to see how this particular restaurant has chosen to spell the drink traditionally known as the Bloody Mary. What will it be? And, yes, I've seen all of these and I'm not inventing. A Bloddy Mary sound good? Or maybe you'd like a Bloody Merry. That sounds pleasant. Or perhaps a Vlodi Mari would be most exotic.

My sister's most favorite bad spelling came in the form of an internet reference from one of my students my first year of teaching. The rule was that the poster had to have a reference. What do any wise fifth graders do in a pickle when they've  realized that they may have missed that tiny detail? Why, they shall invent the website themselves. I still do wonder what I'd find if I looked up www.unaitstats.com or www.childlavorinunaitstats.org. If you can't figure it out that would be United States dot com and Child Labor in United States dot org, naturally.

So from one mammel to another, all I can say is that spelling, once you figure out how and embrace the fact that you once couldn't, can bring you much more joy than you could have possibly expected.

Yeah, either that, or you're a nerd like me.